Untitled 3
by Felix McKraken
Summary: Vegeta steals the dragonballs and makes a wish. In Goku's determination to discover the nature of the wish, he forces himself down a path of no return. NOT a sequel to the other untitled fics. WARNING: MILD YAOI, ANTISAP, BLASPHEMY


**Untitled 3**  
  
Vegeta no Ouji: Prince Vegeta  
Gomen nasai: sorry (polite)  
-sama: ending given to a name for royalty, god, etc.  
baka: idiot  
  
As I stand with five hundred Earth's normal gravity pushing down on my body, I can only stare in shock at the sight before me. I know now what I've denied for years.  
Vegeta is truly insane.  
His laugher fills the small room, but it's unlike anything I've heard from him before. It's not cold, not intimidating. It's smooth, like he's amused.  
It's disturbing.  
"You can't watch me forever," he says, smirking.  
And I hate the fact that what he says is true.  
And I just have to wonder how this all started.  
This isn't all my fault, is it?  
Maybe it is.  
It's always my fault.  
What did I do?  
What didn't I do?  
Isn't there anything I can do? I have always been able to help out before. I never thought this is what would come of Bulma calling me up on the phone. She had told me something was wrong. That Vegeta was out of control. That she was afraid, and wanted me to come over. So I came....without a second thought I grabbed Gohan and came...  
  
***  
***  
  
As I'm hunched over, I sense two kis come my way. It's them. I know. I know...  
It's Kakkarot.  
He's come now to stop me. But I know something he doesn't know. I know much that he doesn't.  
Oh yes..Kakkarot...yes, I have a secret.  
Can you keep a secret, Kakkarot?  
We shall see.  
I stay hunched over, just waiting. He's close now. So close. A smirk comes to my lips. This is it. This is finally it.  
Judgment. Revelation. Everything.  
I can't wait.  
He's here now. At the door. It's nearly time.  
The door opens, and he walks inside with his son beside him.  
"Hello, Kakkarot," I whisper. I don't turn around.  
"Vegeta.." he says, looking for words, "..Vegeta, what is it?"  
I shake my head slowly, slightly, "Nothing's wrong, Kakkarot. At least..not anymore."  
I turn to look at him.  
He reaches his hand out in some type of gesture. I don't know what he means to do and I believe he doesn't know either.  
Not like it matters.  
..anymore.  
"Bulma said you were upset," he informs, putting his hand back down. During all of this his son stays still, merely watching us.  
"That may be true," I reply, smirking.  
Cat and mouse. Fox and hound.  
"Let's discuss this. Let's work this out," he suggests, looking perturbed.  
I laugh at him. His simplicity. His good nature.  
I nod, making a sarcastic face that matches my voice as I speak, "Sure, Kakkarot." I give a fake smile to go along.  
He takes a deep breath and Gohan is obviously nervous as well as confused.  
"Vegeta..what's wrong?" he asks.  
I've waited so long for this...so long...  
The truth. Everything. Finally I shall speak.  
"I was training, Kakkarot. Like always, I was working myself to become better than you. This has meant so much to me. To take my place as prince. To become better. To be powerful. To be strong," I start to explain, slowly turning my head so I look into his eyes. He says nothing. I continue, "I was in so much pain, Kakkarot. I've been in so much pain. For so long I've held a secret. For so long..I've held many secrets. Would you like to know a secret, Kakkarot?"  
Gohan turns and whispers as he speaks to his father, "Maybe I should go.."  
Kakkarot nods, "Don't go far."  
Yes. A falsehood of trust. He doesn't trust me as much as he says.  
Gohan leaves.  
We stare at each other.  
"This," I whisper softly, bringing my hand up, pointing. He raises an eyebrow. "Ever since.._that day_, our first..fight.....it hurts," I say. He blinks, eyebrows knitting together for a moment before he realizes what I mean. His shock makes me laugh.  
"A constant throb I've learned to live with," I say casually, "but I've never told anyone. I thought you'd scar my face, Kakkarot. You did..but not physically. A simple secret. One of many."  
"Vegeta.." he breathes.  
I laugh again, "I was training, Kakkarot. I kept wondering why someone with your rank could out class me..an elite! For years I dominated, for years I had been able to make civilizations crumble before my feet! I was so frustrated - as I had been for years. For years upon years I haven't been able to catch you. I've desperately had to work for what you so easily achieved. While submitting myself to the torture of such intense training, while my eye throbbed in pain, my whole skull feeling like it was being bashed in - I finally gave up. I finally accepted my fate. Accepted it all. How can you be a person without accepting who you are? I knew that I was no longer Vegeta, the Prince of Saijins..but merely a weaker soldier who wished he was. And I couldn't accept that any longer. I refused to. And with that, I refused to care. I stopped caring."  
"Vegeta," he says my name again.  
I toss him a smirk, "You know what, Kakkarot? It felt good. It felt really good. To know that I was pathetic and meaningless. I felt better than I ever had before in my entire life."  
He shakes his head, repeating, "Vegeta.."  
I ignore his efforts, "I thought...What difference does it make? What difference do I make? What difference have I ever made?"  
He shakes his head, interjecting, "Vegeta! On Namek! You bought enough time for me to heal!"  
I counter, "But the whole reason you were hurt, the whole reason you had to come to Namek was because of _me_! It was my fault, and your friend perished because of my mistakes! As always, I drag the innocent down with me! ..I'm a plague, Kakkarot. Haven't you seen that? Ever since you first met me, no...ever since you met Radditz, who was _involved with me_...things have gone downhill. Have you not noticed?"  
Again he protests, "It's not your fault, Vegeta!"  
I shake my head furiously, getting angry, "No, Kakkarot!"  
I hiss, "It is! You idiot, it is!"  
He stares at me.  
"I've had plenty of time to change, Kakkarot. More than ample," I say calmly, "but I haven't changed. I couldn't change. I couldn't change because I couldn't accept who I was. I thought I was someone else."  
He doesn't stop me this time.  
"And then.." I trail off dramatically, "I thought about death." Because I died that day Frieza killed me. I was resurrected as a curse.  
His eyes widen at this remark.  
I feel my emotions returning to me.  
"I thought about how I went to Hell," I whisper, knowing he can hear me perfectly. I feel everything beginning to swell as I recall all of my afterlives. "I thought about how I went to Heaven," I speak boldly in my hushed voice, "and I felt myself grow very, very angry." The swelling infests me like a sickly virus. Like I infest all those around me.  
He seems quite worried now.  
And the anger and the rage and the sadness and the..everything overflows me.  
"I thought about it all, Kakkarot..!" I hiss low, like a deadly snake. Yes, what a perfect analogy.  
"I was thinking about how what we do in life reflects in death," I explain, punctuating the syllables harshly. I pause before calming slightly, so my words are heard clearly.  
"I thought about how if you're "good" you go to Heaven, and if you're "bad" you go to Hell," I say, feeling my emotions swell again, "and then I thought...._that isn't fair_."  
Kakkarot looks at me with wide, innocent eyes. "Vegeta...What..?" he begins to question, almost stammering.  
I growl low in my throat.  
"I said..."  
He looks at me, those eyes so uninhibited by evil. And by true intelligence.  
"That it _isn't fair_. That it _isn't right_ for there to be Heaven and Hell."  
His mouth moves but no words come out.  
My eyes narrow as I explain more, "I thought...What gives the gods the right to exercise their power over us? What gives them the right? Were they born with the power? Ha! I was born to be the leader of a mighty race and look at me! No; these gods have no right to toy with us!"  
Kakkarot furiously shakes his head, "No, Vegeta! We're mortals and we must listen to the gods!"  
I shout over him, "Who decides what's good and bad!? Is killing another so wrong when you do it in self-defense!? Or to avenge someone!? Or to take revenge!? Who makes the rules, Kakkarot!? Who decides it all!? They do! We're pawns in a game much bigger than our pitiful life-spans!"  
He merely shakes his head muttering over and over again, "No, no, no..."  
I grab his shoulders and push him backward, "I will not be a pawn any longer! I will not be Vegeta no Ouji any longer!!" I look down at him as he looks up at me, fear hiding in the inky depths of his eyes.  
"Gohan.." he whispers, his son entering in an instant.  
The demi-Saijin helps his father up, keeping a wary eye on me.  
I turn and take a few steps away from them, giving us distance.  
"I have another secret, Kakkarot," I say, turning and looking at them. I reach into my pocket. Yes, I stopped wearing my armor. I stopped wearing my battle suits.  
Fighting is not what I live for anymore. How can you live for something that only causes misunderstanding?  
Fighting had merely taken me off of the path of this....enlightenment. I am not Vegeta no Ouji, and I accept that.  
Finally.  
I pull out the single object which I had been carrying, keeping it hidden in my fist.  
"I believe this," I say, slowly holding it up for them to see, "will look familiar."  
Both of them gasp in surprise.  
"And you shall know what this means," my thumb presses a button on the top and I watch them stare.  
"It's a shame," I say, teasing them, "that you don't know the location."  
"Such a pity for you," I say, crushing the dragonball radar easily, "that _I_ do."  
The broken pieces of computer chips and wiring falls to the ground. They're so scared that the fear rolls off of them like a strong perfume.  
What are they so scared about?  
Ha, I have many secrets.  
It's so absurd, I laugh. It's not my normal battle laugh. It's like a laugh of desperation.  
I bring them up to speed, "You can't watch me forever."  
This is it. Judgment. Revelation.  
The time is _now_.  
_My_ time is now.  
"Vegeta..." Kakkarot breathes, "..let me help you."  
I shake my head, "There is nothing I need help with. There is nothing to fix."  
Gohan looks at me sympathetically. What do you pity, boy? I wonder...  
"Vegeta..no. Let me help you," Kakkarot repeats, as if he could sway my thoughts so easily.  
"You can help me," I suddenly hiss, "by leaving me alone."  
My eye throbs, the reminder of my greatest loss, my worst failure. The one that started it all.  
It throbs, and I throb.  
Wag the dog.  
"Because I don't care about you anymore, Kakkarot," I explain, the corner of my mouth twitching, as if trying to smirk because of old habit, "I want you to leave me alone. There's nothing more to say here, puppet."  
Gohan looks confused and he turns to his father for answers, but Kakkarot merely shakes his head.  
"Guess what, Kakkarot? I have another little secret I want to share with you," I say, smirking.  
His eyes meet mine, twin abyss' of pain and broken trust.  
"What?" he asks, almost harshly. Almost softly.  
I step up close to both of them. I smirk.  
I haven't felt this way in years.  
I....  
I haven't felt this way at all before.  
I just want this to be over. The judgment. I just want to be alone.  
"This," I say, suddenly throwing my hand at them, releasing an unexpected ki blast.  
The energy I spew out destroys the immediate surroundings and sends them flying back.  
This is _mine_, Kakkarot, and you shall _not_ take it away from me.  
I turn and run. Without using my ki, I run. My feet pound the earth as I sprint across the landscape, not bothering to look back.  
There is nothing to look back upon. There is nothing back there for me.  
I look forward, heading towards my destiny.  
This destiny I have created.  
That I will create.  
Gods, I mock you. Gods, I spit upon you. You shall not take me away. You shall not rule over me. This black pawn shall overthrow all kings. This former prince that you broke...this will be your downfall.  
Gods, I loathe you.  
I am not yours.  
I am not a toy.  
I am not a warrior.  
I am not Vegeta no Ouji.  
I am a lost soul.  
I will be left alone.  
  
***  
  
Debris falls to the ground, the dust and smoke starting to clear. I get up, coughing, brushing off myself, cursing quietly. I lean over, grabbing my son's arm and helping him up.  
"I can't sense him," Gohan says, glancing around.  
"I know, Gohan," I say, "It's too late now. We'll have to wait."  
We won't have to wait long. Somehow I know this.  
"What do you mean wait!?" Gohan shouts, "We can't just wait! He's going to summon the dragon and-"  
I silence him by lifting up my hand, gesturing for him to stop.  
I explain the situation to him, "Gohan..Vegeta is....is..."  
My son looks at me, wide eyes open and full, showing confusion.  
God..what am I to say? The truth I suppose, like I always have.  
"Gohan, Vegeta is insane."  
I feel something snag inside of me, trying to hold on and causing pain at the same time.  
"But, dad-"  
I shake my head, stating again, "Vegeta is _insane_, Gohan."  
His mouth closes and he looks down with an expression of mourning. I believe he always had faith in Vegeta.  
Like I have.  
I wonder how long it will take him to summon the dragon.  
Not long, I bet, knowing Vegeta..  
Kami! Every time I think of it my mind itches!  
What will Vegeta wish for?  
What's his plan?  
Someone, please tell me...  
Tell me why I don't matter to him...  
"Dad?" I hear my son ask.  
I force a smile for him and reassure him, "It'll be okay, Gohan."  
I sigh softly, whispering, "It'll be okay.."  
I wonder if he believes my words when I don't even believe in them.  
He nods for whatever reason.  
Now we wait.  
  
***  
  
It won't be long now.  
I can't wait. I have waited so long. I have sacrificed so much. I've held back, and I will no longer live in this mediocrity.  
I will finally achieve a desire.  
I will finally best him.  
Kakkarot...  
  
***  
  
"Where's Vegeta?" Bulma asks as she races towards me.  
What am I supposed to tell her?  
"Bulma.." I say, so uncertain.  
"Oh god no," she whispers, tears starting to flow down her face.  
I bow my head slightly, "I'm sorry, Bulma."  
She falls forward into me, and I embrace her as she sobs into my shirt.  
Her fear, her concern, her worry, her paranoia..creeps into my emotions.  
What happened?  
What's wrong, Vegeta?  
Will you come back?  
I close my eyes, rubbing Bulma's back soothingly. Somehow, I feel comforted.  
What will you wish for, Vegeta?  
  
***  
  
In only a moments time I will be free, and Vegeta no Ouji will be no more.  
  
***  
  
The sky turns black.  
It has begun.  
"Dad, let's go!" Gohan shouts, leaping into the air.  
"Go where?" Bulma asks as she looks up at me, her eyes full of surprise, "Who's summoning the dragon?"  
I let go, drawing back away from her. I look her in the eyes, trying to tell her my apologies silently.  
"No," she whispers, shaking her head, "Not Vegeta!"  
I float a bit, feeling her panic.  
"No! He can't!" she screams her denial.  
There are no words to speak.  
I turn and catch up to Gohan.  
  
***  
  
The dragon rises into the sky, it's monstrous emerald form glowing in a mass of magic.  
My eye throbs suddenly, and I know he is close.  
I will make this quick, for I will not be denied.  
Never again will I be denied.  
  
***  
  
We won't make it.  
There's not enough time.  
I'll never know what he'll wish for.  
  
***  
  
Die Vegeta no Ouji, die.  
  
Ha, ha, ha...  
  
***  
  
I feel a well of betrayal rise within me.  
How can he do this to me!?  
After all we've been through...  
Would he prefer that I had allowed Krillin to finish him off!?  
Vegeta..how could you?  
  
***  
  
It is done.  
It is done!  
Finally! Finally, I am free!  
Now I am my own master!  
Now I decide my fate!  
I will never have to rely upon anyone else ever again.  
I will never need help.  
I am not a toy!  
No longer am I a play thing..  
And the throb in my eye is more tolerable.  
He is very close.  
The idiot...  
  
***  
  
I land next to Gohan, both of us watching as the dragonballs screech across the sky, leaving a trail of gold which quickly fades.  
"What did you wish for!?" I shout, wanting to know so badly.  
He does not reply.  
"Tell me, Vegeta!" I scream at the top of my lungs.  
"Dad.." Gohan says, gripping my arm..but I ignore him.  
"Vegeta!" I say again.  
"Why don't you leave me alone?" he asks, looking up into my eyes.  
I can feel something different.  
He is changed somehow.  
What did he wish for?  
"Yeah, dad," Gohan agrees, tugging on my arm, "Let's just go."  
I blink in surprise.  
What exactly is going on?  
"I'd listen to your brat, Kakkarot," Vegeta tells me, "Unless you really want to get hurt."  
Gohan tugs again, "Let's go..."  
And I begin to let him pull me away...  
But as I look at him, the Prince of Saijins, the prince of my race, my people..I feel like the last familiar thing in my life is being taken away from me - and I cannot allow it.  
I pull away from Gohan, yelling, "No!"  
I say it again, "NO!" And it has never felt better to say that word.  
Both of them look at me.  
"Dad..."  
"Kakkarot..."  
I shake my head before standing up straight, "Vegeta..."  
"Kakkarot..."  
"Vegeta-"  
"Kakkarot, stay away from me!" Vegeta growls, finding words to say, his body glowing with power.  
He will attack me if I advance any further.  
Why?  
"Stay away from me!!" he repeats firmer, raising a fist.  
"What? For how long? Forever?" I ask sarcastically.  
"Yes! Forever, Kakkarot!" he lets his fist fall to his side, "I never want to see any of you pathetic weaklings ever again! You never seemed to understand that I meant what I said! Were you in denial? Did you not want to believe that someone hated you?"  
"No! Vegeta, stop-"  
"No! You stop!" he shouts back.  
"Both of you stop!" Gohan jumps between us.  
There's a moment of silence.  
"Gomen nasai, Vegeta-sama," my son says before turning to me, "Now let's GO, dad..."  
He grabs my arm before nearly dragging me away.  
I feel it again.  
The feeling like I'm losing something as my son pulls me away.  
Vegeta looks at me, all the hatred I never saw before pouring across his gaze and stabbing into me. Wounding me.  
Kami, I'm sorry...  
I'm so sorry...  
  
***  
  
Hn. What an idiot.  
Finally he is out of my way though.  
He shall never bother me again.  
He shall never see me again.  
Ever.  
Nor shall the others.  
Because now I'm free, and there's nothing anyone can do.  
  
Not even the gods.  
  
***  
  
When we are a good distance away I finally wretch myself free of Gohan's grasp.  
"What the HELL was that!?" I ask, feeling the hatred that Vegeta pushed into me gush out.  
Gohan looks shocked, "What are you talking about, dad?"  
I throw my arms up into the air. I don't think I've felt this enraged in a long while.  
"THAT! Why the hell did you drag me away!?"  
"Dad, I was only doing what is right!"  
I narrow my eyes, repeating, "What is right..."  
He nods, his eyes looking wide and innocent.  
I turn to go.  
"Where are you going?" he asks, suddenly sounding concerned.  
I feel my hands ball into fists, "Well someone has to tell Bulma about what's happened!!"  
I don't bother waiting for a reply. I don't even want to hear one. I don't fly off. I just transport myself to her instantly.  
She looks up in surprise, yelping a bit at my sudden intrusion, "God, Goku! Don't do that!"  
As I don't reply her smile fades. Eventually she asks, "What's wrong?"  
I take a deep breath, feeling saddened that I have to inform her of this, "Vegeta's leaving."  
She looks down for a moment, letting the information sink in.  
Then she looks up at me and says, "Maybe it's for the best."  
I blink, numbed, "What?"  
Bulma nods as if to confirm her decision, "We've had a rocky relationship and I'm not sure if he'd be the greatest of fathers to Trunks."  
Trunks!  
I ignore her and run to the boy's ki. I find him in his room playing with one of his toys.  
"Trunks.." I begin slowly. He looks up at me, raising an eyebrow.  
"Trunks, I have something very serious to tell you," I begin, kneeling down beside him.  
"Uh...yeah?" he says, looking very confused now.  
I feel a wave of paranoia wash over me.  
"Trunks," I repeat his name again, "Your father is leaving."  
The small boy blinks a few times, "..Forever?"  
I feel sick having to tell a child this.  
"Yes. Forever."  
My stomach churns...  
"At least papa will be happy now," is all the boy says before returning his attention to his play thing.  
I stare in shock, unable to grasp what is occurring.  
I look down at Trunks and look at the toy.  
'_I will not be a pawn any longer!_'  
He thought he was a toy...  
'_What gives the gods the right to exercise their power over us?_'  
And right now, I can't help but agree with him.  
Because everyone around me is acting like Vegeta was nothing.  
Everyone but me.  
And I have to wonder..which god choose for this to happen?  
Which god LET this happen?  
Vegeta...  
I _will_ find out what you wished for.  
  
***  
  
I leave this planet and all it's idiocies.  
And contradictions.  
And restrictions.  
And inhibitions.  
And restraints.  
And failures.  
I leave it and all the small change shit.  
Judgment has past.  
The revelation has been set.  
The revolution has begun.  
The Ouji is dead.  
  
***  
  
Wind whips around my body. As I gaze at the endless horizon I feel more helpless than I think I've ever felt.  
Everything he said taunts me.  
We're mortals. And they're gods.  
They're gods. And we're mortals.  
And there's nothing we can do about it.  
But Vegeta thought that wasn't true.  
That somehow you could change that. That you could change something that's always been how it's been.  
Tradition.  
And he made a wish.  
He bent the rules somehow.  
I want to know how.  
And why.  
  
***  
  
The first time I ran from a fight was when I said I would join his side.  
I don't regret running.  
One lie. One secret of mine.  
  
***  
  
Maybe I'm kidding myself.  
Vegeta...insane?  
Maybe...  
Maybe I'm the insane one.  
Maybe Vegeta's the rational one.  
I've never given him the benefit of the doubt.  
Maybe I should start now.  
If the gods can die by a mortal's hand..what does that make the gods?  
  
***  
  
I stayed by his side as he regenerated in that tank. I was so burnt out.  
My eye throbbed erratically.  
One lie. Two secrets of mine.  
  
***  
  
If I am stronger than the Supreme Kai...what does that make me?  
  
***  
  
I shed my first tears in front of him.  
I never felt ashamed.  
That was Vegeta no Ouji. The ghost, the plague, the curse came back in his place.  
I came back, leaving Vegeta a shadow in the back of my mind.  
I thought I was that lingering, etched in shadow.  
Two lies. Five secrets.  
  
***  
  
Everything around me depends on itself to give a prearranged destiny.  
I have escaped my heritage, but my instincts remain active.  
Maybe Vegeta wasn't looking for something more.  
Maybe he was looking for something less.  
Maybe he was seeking a way out.  
He wanted me to stay away...forever.  
Forever...is a long time.  
What did he wish for?  
Damnit! Now I am the one who is going crazy..  
  
***  
  
I cannot remember what occurred the night Trunks was conceived.  
All I knew was the throb in my head and in my eye.  
Did I tell that woman I loved her?  
Did I tell her that I wanted her, like she wanted me?  
Did I lie?  
Did I lie like how I've lied to them all, pretending that I cared?  
Pretended that I was on their "side"?  
Pretended to be Vegeta no Ouji?  
So many lies and so many secrets.  
When do the secrets become the lies?  
When do the lies become the secrets?  
When will this pain in my head finally subside?  
  
***  
  
I land at Kami's lookout, and I look around for any signs of the young Namekian guardian.  
"Ah! Goku, what brings you here?" Dende asks me as he comes outside. I ask him something I didn't know I especially needed to hear, "Did you sense Vegeta leave?"  
Dende pauses momentarily before nodding, "Yesss....uh, what's that have to do with anything?"  
Does no one see this as something to be at least mildly upset about?  
Am I the only one who understands!?  
"I need your help," I say as I grit my teeth, trying not to scream in frustration, "I need to find out what the last two wishes were."  
He raises an eyeridge, looking confused, almost perturbed.  
I growl low in my throat, "Can you do that..!?"  
I cannot just pretend that Vegeta didn't matter. He was part of my life, and refusing him would be like..denying myself.  
I cannot deny myself the truth, otherwise I will lose the image of myself.  
And I'll become like that of Vegeta.  
A person wishing he was a warrior, because lack of insight, and lack of faith.  
Vegeta is that last of my kind. The last of those like me. The last thing familiar.  
I cannot face the universe alone, as the last Saijin.  
  
***  
  
No white noise.  
There is..no white noise.  
Noise.  
Ha....ha....  
  
***  
  
"Theoretically it is possible," the small Namek informs me, "Using the statue of the dragon as a base, I can mirror the effect, and by examining the wavelength of magic used, can determine the outcome."  
"So you can repeat the last wish?" I ask.  
"No, not technically. I'll create a shadow of the wish. The dragon uses different wavelengths for each word used in a wish. Then they are totaled together to actually grant the wish. Think of it in numbers: Two plus five plus seven plus four is sixteen. With the single digit numbers being the words in the wish and the final product the wish itself that's granted. Make sense?"  
"So if you can only view the total, or the wish itself, how do you know the phrase?"  
"Trust me. We'll know."  
I hope we will, because I really want to know what's going on.  
Before I start going insane.  
Dende calls Mr. Popo out to assist him, and I sit down, impatiently waiting an outcome.  
They "summon" the dragon, a ghost of Shelong. I note that the sky doesn't turn black, and I can see the image of the dragon talking, but I can hear no words. As the apparition disappears Dende and Mr. Popo discuss what they saw in Namekian.  
And still I wait.  
  
***  
  
I have no debts to pay. No regrets. Just vows. Just secrets.  
Just little tid bits of information I have kept to myself.  
Like how I saw Kakkarot when I was training to become a Super Saijin.  
How I saw him when I was alone in space, like this.  
He wasn't there, but I saw him.  
A secret best kept to myself.  
  
***  
  
"Your wish has been granted," says Dende before speaking in Namekian again. Mr. Popo makes a comment, and then there is silence.  
Both of them turn simultaneously and look at me.  
Their expressions are void of humor, and the look of plain gravity makes me nervous.  
I feel my skin crawl as I anticipate what is about to come.  
This...is going to be serious.  
This is going to...change me.  
I can feel it.  
  
***  
  
This reminds me of the room of Spirit and Time. The vastness. The emptiness.  
I enjoyed that place and its lack of companions.  
I enjoyed being alone.  
By myself, no one can hear me scream.  
By myself, I don't even hear myself scream.  
  
***  
  
"I wish to be a god, so that not even immortal hands can control me."  
  
***  
  
Nothing matters anymore.  
The past. The present. The future.  
They're all on the same timeline.  
They're all one thing.  
So forget it all.  
It doesn't matter.  
Not anymore.  
  
***  
  
It can't be...  
  
***  
  
Time is relative, and to me, it doesn't even exist.  
  
***  
  
"I wish for no one to care about me, so that when I leave, they will not bother me."  
  
***  
  
It's just this. Space.  
Space, and silence.  
I'm so comfortably numb.  
  
***  
  
Oh my....  
Vegeta...  
Why, Vegeta?  
Why did you do this!?  
  
***  
  
I lack responsibilities and mundane duties.  
I have gained so much more.  
No human, no iceling, no Saijin, or god could be what I have become.  
Not one can fathom the ideas which lurk in the deep recesses of my mind, waiting to be released after years of suppression.  
For years I have believed that my blood has boiled from the heat of the battle, that the fighting was what kept me sane.  
How wrong I was.  
I was not fighting for the sake of it, I was trying so desperately hard to achieve a goal I didn't even realize I had set.  
I was fighting at the stake of my own life, so that I could achieve my freedom. Because I'd rather die than be a slave of another.  
A slave of one, of another, of another. With the slave holder being a slave of one, of another, of another.  
Life is only as fair as you make it, and I have begun my war against the gods by simply defying their power.  
I wonder how long it will take them to realize that there is nothing they can do.  
That they are slaves to themselves.  
The afterlife is, always, not fair.  
  
***  
  
I feel something rise within me.  
My chest aches from years of hidden pain, of hidden suffering of which I've endured so that I could stay happy. But now, I feel the emotions leak out of their hiding places, churning, brewing, filling my entire being.  
I feel my happiness crumble and fall into those tiny crevices I have made.  
Confusion, loneliness, anger, and bitterness each struggle for dominance, each clawing their way up my throat..  
And they come together in a mass of pure rejection, and I scream louder than I've ever screamed before.  
I scream deafeningly, my diaphragm being tested, my vocal cords being placed under too much stress.  
This isn't fair.  
And it's stupid of me, really.  
I understand now, because...  
Now I know I've had it easy.  
And he has not.  
And I scream my sadness to the world.  
I scream my humiliation and shame to him.  
  
***  
  
I will not die. Ever.  
So by these standards, am I truly living?  
In order to live, you must be able to die.  
If I do not die, but neither live, then I must simply exist.  
I am no longer a Saijin, nor a being.  
I am a god. I am nothing. And I am an object.  
I am a slave to myself, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
***  
  
I fall to my hands and knees, unable to stop the hot sting which comes to my eyes.  
I know the truth. I know the truth, now.  
I watch my vision blur. I blink. I watch my vision clear as salty drops fall to the tile below, discoloring it.  
This is all my fault. All of it.  
I chose to ignore the pain around me so that I myself could stay happy.  
Vegeta, you were right.  
I am Kakkarot.  
I am one of two surviving Saijins.  
I am not just a third class baka.  
But I am _your_ third class baka.  
Vegeta...  
What little this means now, but..I am sorry.  
I have never felt such regret in my life.  
I have never felt such sadness.  
Not even when I thought my son had died.  
Not even..when you had died.  
You died for me, didn't you?  
I see that now, too.  
And what have I done for you?  
I have made you suffer. For years.  
I have brought you pain.  
And I have scarred you.  
No...no! These words will not be wasted.  
My prince...I want to tell you. I don't want to admit these things just to make me feel better.  
I want you to _know_ my pain. I want you...  
I want you to laugh at me.  
To point out all my mistakes to me.  
To punish me for my insolence.  
Hurt me, Ouji, like I have hurt you. It is the least I can offer.  
It is all I can offer.  
  
***  
  
I will sleep now.  
I'm so tired..  
So...tired...  
  
***  
  
As I prepare for departure I cling onto your ki signature.  
I sought it out earlier and I have not let it disappear from me for an instant. I don't want you disappearing like all the times I have.  
Like I will again.  
You are so far away, but I can sense you stronger than ever.  
This is my first and last attempt I'm going to perform.  
My first and last effort to make it right.  
Everything else doesn't matter, because that was when I was Son Goku.  
Son Goku was born the day I hit my head. The day I let myself forget; so I could adapt.  
Vegeta, the only reason things went downhill is because I let them.  
Because I was too blind to see. Too slow to stop it from starting.  
It happened because I let it happen.  
Because Son Goku knew nothing of pain, of suffering, of humiliation, of shame.  
But I do.  
Kakkarot does.  
And I will show you that I am barely worthy, but worthy nonetheless.  
That finally, after all these years, I accept your invitation.  
I will join you, Vegeta no Ouji. I will join you, and I will never be alone again.  
I will never worry about being alone.  
I pause as I finish getting ready. I breathe deeply.  
I didn't even say goodbye.  
But neither did you...  
  
***  
  
..Nothing...  
  
***  
  
The world fades into a mass of color, a blur of streaks. My other senses are muted to nothing. I cannot hear, taste, touch, or smell. But I can sense you. Stronger with each passing second.  
And everything is returned to me as I halt.  
I gaze upon my prince's form. He's sleeping in the vastness of space.  
But I already knew this. For I had put on a suit for that very reason.  
He looks so peaceful...  
And then...  
His eyes snap open, instantly locking onto me.  
I choke, unsure of what to say.  
  
***  
  
I was sleeping, and then..my eye throbbed suddenly, unexpectedly.  
Kakkarot.  
Kakkarot...  
KAKKAROT!  
  
***  
  
I exhale, breathing his name, "Vegeta..."  
He grabs his eye, wincing in pain, and I wince too.  
"What do you want you brain-dead IDIOT!?" he screams, hunching over in pain, glaring at me with more hatred than last time, "I told you to leave me alone!!"  
But I cannot leave him alone.  
"Vegeta, my Ouji..." I'm barely able to whisper.  
He pauses, slowly removing his hand from over his face, "What did you say?"  
"Vegeta, my Ouji," I repeat, feeling my heart beat faster.  
His deadpan look changes to one of doubt and apprehension, then back to hate, "Baka."  
"No, Vegeta, please..!"  
"You truly believe I am your prince?"  
I pause, double checking my feelings, "Yes.."  
He laughs that laugh again, "Than you're a bigger fool than I thought!"  
I feel that well of emotion again. The pain. The rejection.  
"No, no...NO!"  
I toss my head back and scream, "**NO!**"  
The heat stings my eyes again, "You..cannot do this to me! Not _again_!"  
But then I stop abruptly, and he raises an eyebrow as I release a half-sob half-chortle.  
"I wonder.." I think aloud, "..if you always felt like this. Like you were one step behind me."  
His voice rings through the vacuum of space, "I did. But that was then, and this is now."  
"You left."  
Silence save for the sound of my breathing.  
"You left and you didn't want anyone to care?"  
He shakes his head, growling, "Why are you here Kakkarot?"  
My vision blurs. I blink, and my vision is returned.  
Why must he always reject me so? Why must he always hurt me like this? He's done this for years.  
Years upon years.  
But only now do I feel it's impact upon me.  
"I care about you," my cracked voice says.  
His eyebrows raise and his skin pales.  
"I miss you," I choke on a sob which tries desperately to tear itself from my throat as the confusion, loneliness, anger, and bitterness each struggle for dominance.  
We sit in silence save for my ragged breaths and random sniffs.  
We sit for so long that my cheeks dry and my eyes can see properly.  
"I believe," he finally says, "that you've mistaken me for someone else."  
I look up at him, confused.  
"The one you know as Vegeta no Ouji is dead. He's been dead for quite some time. Years to be exact. I have only realized this recently, and so, any words you wish to tell him will never be heard. Vegeta no Ouji is dead and gone, and he is no more."  
I shake my head, more of denial than anything else. I feel the tears coming again, but a repress them, "So who are you then?"  
He pauses, as if thinking it over, "Hn. Not Vegeta no Ouji."  
And I close my eyes and whisper in response, "And I am not Son Goku."  
I open my eyes, looking into his. The anger, the hatred, all the negative emotions that were directed toward me..have all evaporated, and his black eyes stare at me like twin soulless beacons.  
"I am Kakkarot, the.."  
Vegeta no Ouji is dead.  
"...the last Saijin alive."  
Bitter rejection. Bitter loneliness.  
"But I am not a toy!"  
His eyebrows raise again, and those dark eyes laugh at me.  
"I am not a puppet of the gods...."  
I can hear them laugh harder..  
"Because I can kill those gods with my own two hands. Because all those years of fighting, I was fighting myself. I wanted to be someone I wasn't, so I could escape reality. To live in a dream world. But I don't want that anymore. I want this reality. I want the pain. I want to _feel_ alive. I want punishment, but not by the gods. I want it from Vegeta no Ouji."  
And all he says is, "Vegeta no Ouji is dead."  
And all I say is, "He's alive, but he doesn't know it. He doesn't know the humiliation I feel. He doesn't know the way I feel for him."  
All these feelings, all these emotions. So raw, so new. And all of this because of one simple phone call...  
I tried to ignore everyone when I was Son Goku, but as Kakkarot I realize so much more. I can see what I have ignored.  
"Vegeta is dead..?" I ask.  
"Yes," he replies.  
I don't want to be alone. I'd do anything rather than be alone. But Vegeta is dead, and to not be lonely...  
I take a deep breath, looking at his eyes again.  
Eyes so full of decay. They're beautiful.  
I exhale completely, bringing my hands up, unhooking the latches.  
Slowly I pull my helmet off, raising my ki so that I do not instantly freeze.  
I float towards him. I smile at him. My lungs crave air, my heartbeat thumping harder in my chest.  
I lean in and gently, softly press my lips against his.  
I kiss Vegeta, my prince.  
It's so sad...he was always one step behind, but now, he's too far ahead...  
I smile, my body desperate for oxygen, my ki slowly fading off, taking its heat with it.  
He stares at me, stunned, and I smile at him.  
Vision begins to ebb, I don't even feel the cold.  
My eyelids..are heavy...  
And I know, this isn't over..it never is...  
Kakkarot will die...  
And I...  
......I will be...  
..reborn..... 


End file.
